Chloe Doust

Sometimes it’s ok to put yourself first

Hi I’m Chloe, a slightly crazy 21 year old who once met a very similar girl called Harri when starting university. And oh my word, partners in crime now I’d say?! So here’s my attempt to write a blog post and hoping to do Haz proud.

Ever since I was little, I was brought up to be polite and well mannered which is something I will always stand by. And as I’ve grown up I’ve realised that I’m that type of person that puts others before myself, not matter what the situation. Now don’t get me wrong, I love doing this and I will forever be the same. I think it’s an important part of my personality, but over the past couple of years life has taught me that it’s ok to be a little selfish and think of yourself as number one. And I want this message to reach everyone reading this, because we’re all guilty of it.

When I was younger my parents divorced and me and my brother were gutted about this but far too young to really understand what was happening. My parents still worked together so luckily I grew up with time still spent with both of them. I will forever be grateful for the way we were brought up, especially by my Mum- what an inspiration she is. I don’t think my brother and I really thought that our parents separating when we were young and innocent would have had an impact on us, but looking back I think it did a little.

During Year 8, my brother was in Year 11 at the same high school which was nice because I knew we were always there for eachother. However during this time my brother suffered from many seizures, not diagnosed as epilepsy, but the doctors couldn’t determine what was the cause. He often had more than one a day, where I would leave my class to go and be beside him, to hold his hand and be the sister I needed to be. The images and replays of those situations still haunt me to today but I did everything I possibly could to help him at the time. I always rushed to his side and wouldn’t change that. I love my brother to bits and I believe that this time of difficulty is what brought us closer.

I do believe that things can impact us more than we believe. Following on from those two situations as described above, my Dad became seriously unwell. At the time I was a bit older and soon became aware as to what had been hiding for so many years. My Dad was an alcoholic. Furthermore, this caused my Dad to become very frail and like a completely different man. He suffered more periods of being unwell, and was hospitalised on many occasions. With some of my family’s help, we got my Dad feeling better but as a result of those times he’s a completely different man to what he was before. Careers go in daily, looking after him when I can’t be there. However it seemed a lot of my college time was taken up by looking after him.

What all of those times made me realise, was that although it’s amazing to put others before yourself and care for them as best you can, it’s ok and entirely necessary to put yourself first for a change. Having spent my life putting others before myself I missed out on doing what I wanted to do and thinking of myself before others. It wasn’t until the past year I’ve really learnt to accept this. I’m working my bum off at university, with only 8 months to go to until I become a qualified Midwife. I’m having quality time with my boyfriend, friends and family when I want to and I’m not afraid to put myself first with anyone. This has seriously reduced my anxiety, because I don’t have a fear that I’m not doing enough anymore. My Mum is my absolute role model, and without her support throughout everything I wouldn’t be where I am today. She made me realise that putting yourself first is the most important part of looking after yourself.
I’ve finally realised that you don’t have to say yes to everything, that ‘no’ is also an option. Looking after yourself is the first step to happiness, because if you’re not happy then how can you begin to care for others?

“If you’re struggling, you deserve to make self-care a priority. Whether that means laying in bed all day, eating comfort food, crying, sleeping, rescheduling plan, finding an escape through a good book, watching your favourite TV show, or doing nothing at all- give yourself permission to put your healing first. Quiet the voice telling you to do more and be more, and today, whatever you do, let it be enough”