Giving Anxiety The Middle Finger

Fi and I want to be able to use this blog to portray ill mental health in a realistic and informative light. And as we have said previously, ‘recovery’ is not a straight line, and it is less about getting rid of whatever demon it is in your head; and learning to deal with it and finding the mechanisms to cope with how it makes you feel. But one thing we both vow to never do again, is to make friends with it. 

And that is truly the best way to describe ill mental health, giving it an identity and interacting with it at arms-length where possible, to learn how to shake it out of your head and punch it in the face. With a chair. Mostly I’ve been slamming it, getting those touch downs or whatever it is you call it in wrestling; but recently I have been as sweaty and as angry as them, but instead of fighting I have been crumbling slightly in the corner. 

It’s been probably over a year since my last panic attack, I went from having them daily to weekly, to maybe a couple now and again. But last weekend was the first I had had since early 2019. And of course, I am not telling you this for attention, or any sympathy, I just want you to know that people don’t just get better from ill mental health, it is a very real, scary and emotional journey which continuously has peaks and troughs. Also the most annoying thing of the whole saga; I have absolutely no clue why I had it. Anxiety just decided it wanted to fight that day and it hit right where it hurts. So I have decided, to be very British and keep calm and carry on. I talk to people, I am open about what is going on and I am there if people want to know more. But mostly, anxiety, you are getting the middle finger!

I think it is super helpful to hear such experiences that are a bit closer to home than you think. Also, it teaches people to always be kind because you never know what headspace people are in, and to be patient with them if they are more moody than normal. (thanks to Will, Fi and my Family for tolerating me xoxoxoxox)

So keep being kind. 

Keep going. 

Things will improve and if they haven’t, it is not the end. 

Harri x

PS. THANK YOU so much to all who came to the quiz night, it was so well received, and the fundraising was amazing. We will endeavour to keep everyone up to date with our adventures and we hope you keep reading!