DISCUSSION: Jealousy

Welcome to the new segment coming every OTHER Friday; DISCUSSION! I’ll be looking at topics that we all want to ask and talk about but not sure whether it is socially acceptable to. Feel free to message me with any topics that you’ve got on your mind!

This week’s question: Is it okay to be jealous?

Jealousy is that green-eyed monster that sometimes crawls onto your shoulder and leaves you feeling insecure and fearful in relation to possessions or people. And I can tell you now, even if you believe you haven’t felt this- you totally have. For example, Fi told me she was going to get some new chickens, and of course I was happy for her, but that little green-eyed monster started peeping around the corner. Because I want chickens too! And it’s that one word- want,that makes me feel like a five-year-old stomping my feet because one of my sisters got to ride in the front seat to Asda. But I’m going to be honest with you, I can still be that five-year-old. Maybe it’s the younger sibling rivalry, who knows. 

The first thing to accept is that jealousy is a normal and natural feeling. Okay maybe not the stomping, BUT a small case of the ‘green eyes’ is. But when is jealousy not acceptable? And when does it become toxic? I can only speak from my own experience, moreso because this lockdown isn’t letting me have proper chats with people (and I tell you, that’s making me behave like a five-year-old!). When Will and I first got together, a few months in, a girl he knew fessed up to having feelings for him. And of course, naturally, the protection jacket comes on and I begin thinking, who does she think she is?! But after talking it through, I realised that:

1)    She must have been quite brave to do that, knowing that he’s already got me 

2)    My feelings of jealousy weren’t going to get anyone anywhere and 

3)    Well, Will and I were, and still are like two peas in a pod so getting between that just wasn’t realistic. 

Nearly three years later, he still puts up with me (love u)!! And as I say to everyone who comments on our relationship, of course we aren’t perfect, but what is perfect to us, is the communication that holds us together. Even if he tells me he’s jealous of my donut and I have to share it :/. 

In my opinion, jealousy can become toxic when it causes arguments. Especially repeated arguments. More toxic when you appear on Jeremy Kyle. Yikes. But one simple way to rectify any jealousy of anyone is:

-       Communicate. If it is someone close to you, just have it out with them. It doesn’t have to be aggressive, but a mutual conversation over a donut can solve anything. Until your boyfriend/girlfriend/his or her dog eats it.

-       Let the monster go. Give a little flick off the shoulder to Mr or Mrs Green Eyes and be happy for them. And work your ass off to get there and join them too. 

-       Be inclusive. You see your friend going out dancing and you wanna join? Set a bloody date for it. 

And of course in this current situation I am having serious FOMO (fear of missing out). I can be either of two people, seriously sociable or happy curling into a ball in the corner. The sociable side of Harri is severely lacking. So today, keep talking to people, facetime, houseparty you name it. Keep. Talking. It can honestly make someone’s day.  

Look after yourselves and stay safe, and if you have anything you’d like to share regarding this topic, comment below or share us on the socials. 

Harri x